Here is a great letter from a friend of mine in the Netherlands
I had some thoughts about it. I think you have a problem with your two I’s. The dead one (crucified I) seems so alive and upsets you to the extent of doubting the truth.
By the way, it was no coincidence that you quoted Psalms 65 in one of your latest posts. I’ve been meditating on it a week ago before you wrote that post. This is what you and I experience: The desperation that leads to hope. How to conquer such enemies? Quoting Psalms 65 and Romans 7/8
Iniquities prevail against me; As for our transgressions, You forgive them.
Compared to Romans 7/8
Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin. Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
The next verse is about the new covenant mindset. It is God’s work that brings us near, not ours. When you enter that old covenant mindset, which you obviously do, you’re drawn away from Him. You’re constantly upset by the works of sin and the flesh. That brings you from one mindset to the other.
How blessed is the one whom You choose and bring near to You To dwell in Your courts. We will be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Your holy temple.
Compared to Romans 8
For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified. (Note: I do believe that the glorification is yet to come)
Romans 8:29-30 NASB
The only thing you need to do as I see it, is to learn to walk on the roaring seas. And not changing doctrines and tenets.
Who stills the roaring of the seas, The roaring of their waves, And the tumult of the peoples?
Psalms 65:3-4, 7
Bless you brother and friend,